I spent years convinced that being reasonable was a virtue. I assumed that if someone I cared about — a partner, coworker or close friend — kept pushing after I said no, it was my responsibility to explain myself better. I thought that if I just found the right metaphor, stayed calm enough or hit the perfect emotional tone, they would finally get it. I wanted them to recognize my no as human, legitimate and final. But they never did. They weren’t listening. They were waiting. Eventually, I understood that when someone is fixated only on their own desired outcome, your boundary isn’t a message. It’s an obstacle. Every time I softened my position to “keep the peace,” I confirmed a falsehood — that my limits were negotiable. When I finally stopped participating and treated my “no” as absolute, the mask slipped. No one said, “I respect your boundary.” Instead, I was met with anger, distance and victimhood. They didn’t want a relationship. They wanted access. Now, when I look at the technology we use every day, I recognize that same predatory persistence. Boundary violations in tech are not glitches. They are the business model.
The data of silence
Relationships and partnerships depend on reciprocity. When you’re talking to someone and they don’t answer, you can feel the disconnect. It’s uncomfortable. You start to question whether you’ve crossed a line. Now compare that to a modern onboarding flow. You register for a service and are instantly…